Welcome to The Committed Man

As men, we’ve arrived at the pivotal crossroads.

It’s time to take deep ownership when it comes to your masculinity, your focus, your ability to contribute, and your personal freedoms (with time, money, and energy).

It can feel confusing and overwhelming trying to figure out how to not get swept up with the herd of men just showing up to check off the box that they made it through another day. There’s a better way.

The year was 2013. I had reached my breaking point and decided I didn’t want to live anymore.

Life, as I was perceiving it, had become too much.

• I had gone through a divorce (after being married for 13 years)
• My business was tanking (dropping quickly from $250k/ year to $36k/year)
• I was isolating myself (didn’t want to be around anyone)
• Domino’s pizza was becoming a several times a week thing for me (easy and convenient felt the best)
• I had become fat, lethargic, and out of shape (after only knowing what it was like to be fit)

All of this led me to asking two questions:

1. Am I even a good Dad (to my 2 young daughters)?
2. What kind of man am I?

I sat with these gripping questions for weeks as I did my best to just exist day to day. As I contemplated the answers in my own chaotic head, I only dug my hole deeper…

…until one night it was time to end it all.

I’ll spare you most of the details. Just know this…

…as I sat in my cold dark house, my life was about to end in the blink of an eye when I was taken over by this overwhelming sense of gratitude.

• Gratitude for being right where I was in that moment
• Gratitude that I had 2 beautiful daughters to raise
• Gratitude that, even in my temporary chaos, I had a powerful internal guidance system
• Gratitude that I had a small bit of confidence to turn this all around

I committed and started on a NEW journey of deep personal work.

I emphasize a NEW journey because, up to the point of considering taking my own life, I had already been on a 10 year journey of personal development.

So why the hell did I end up in that scary position that night? I mean, I had:

• purchased and read over 500 self-help books (weren’t they supposed to help?)
• paid plenty of money hiring personal coaches (invest in yourself; right?)
• gone to many personal growth conferences and seminars (shouldn’t I be a better man from that?)
• developed a strong meditation practice (I should see the world differently; right?)
• started a consistent journaling routine (isn’t that how you get more in touch with yourself?)
• become consistent with breath work and box breathing (that’s supposed to release something with in me; right?)

Wasn’t all this stuff supposed to help? If so, why did it feel like I was walking through a river of thick mud everyday, to the point of wanting to end it all.

What I know now is that I was using all of that personal development as a DISTRACTION from dealing with my real issue.

…if I purchased that next book, I could use that as a DISTRACTION and appear to still be “looking” for the answer. Searching.

…if I hired another Coach, maybe that would be the key. Searching.

…if I hop on a plane and go to another conference, I would finally conquer my life issues. Searching.

…if I meditate and do this breath work for another day, that will fix me. Searching.

…if I write my feelings down in my journal every day, that will cleanse me. Searching.

While each of these things was valuable to a certain extent, they were all distractions from the real work that needed to be done.

This NEW journey of growth was NOT going to be about searching, it was going to be about BEING.

As tough as it was, it was time to honor the man that I was at the time and understand that I needed him to become the man I knew I could be. Read that again.

That would mean operating with an UN-FRACTURED FOCUS, figuring out what really mattered most in my life, and creating a SYSTEM around BE-ing my best in every area.

This led me on insightful journey of becoming my own Self-Guru, creating my own Lifestyle Engagement Success System, and building what I’m now calling The Committed Man.

The 4 Power Pillars of The Committed Man

If you’re anything like a was, being a man in this modern world has taken a toll on your confidence, energy, and focus. It can get overwhelming enough to where you just avoid pushing too hard and, instead, choose to settle in where you are.

Just hoping that today isn’t the day where everything blows up around you.

That’s where a lifestyle system of focus becomes so helpful…

…and that’s why I created the 4 Power Pillars.

Understanding these 4 power pillars will open up your path to clarity for everything you’re looking to achieve in your life. It provides direct points of focus that cause distractions to begin fading away.

POWER PILLAR #1 – STRONG SELF

The guiding principle of strong self is: “I take care of myself first, so that I can show up as powerful as possible in every other area of my life.”

The STRONG SELF power pillar is held up by 3 core components:

• Forever Fitness
• Nourishing Nutrition
• Mindset Mastery

Here’s a brief breakdown of each…

FOREVER FITNESS

The guiding principle of forever fitness is this: “I unlock my body’s highest physical potential at every stage of my life.”

The reason I call it Forever Fitness is because The Committed Man’s fitness is part of his “forever.” It’s not up for negotiation.

When you combine that mentality with the guiding principle of unlocking your body’s highest potential, you have a powerful formula that will keep you exploring your physical limits… with intelligence.

This is not about destroying yourself in workouts. It’s about making sure, as a man, you stay athletic and physically ready for whatever you choose in your life.

NOURISHING NUTRITION

The guiding principle of nourishing nutrition is: “My food choices are designed to fuel my future, and my future starts NOW.”

The reason I call it Nourishing Nutrition is because it keeps The Committed Man’s mind centered on the reason he eats. Nourish means: provide what’s necessary for growth, health, and good condition.

Taking action on a mindset of “nourishment” makes it impossible for you to derail your body, and health, based on what you choose to eat.

MINDSET MASTERY

The guiding principle of mindset mastery is: “My entire world is hinging on the mastery of my own mind.”

The reason I call it Mindset Mastery is because everything The Committed Man does in his life is the offspring of his mindset. It’s an unavoidable truth.

Since we know this, doesn’t it make sense to spend time mastering our own minds?

There are many ways to do this and every man needs to be thoughtful about his own approach based on his visioned life.

What I can tell you is that there are 2 powerful daily disciplines that are the catalyst for mindset mastery.

They are…

• Intentional Quiet Time (IQT) – You may have heard of this as “meditation” before. I like to reframe that to “intentional quiet time” because it takes the pressure off. Just simply create time for yourself to sit quietly. Doesn’t matter if it’s 2 minutes or 60, just be sure you make it intentional. When you’re there, it’s all about focusing on your breathing, NOT trying to turn your brain off.
• Journaling (documentation) – Keep journaling simple. Just document your day. What are you grateful for today? How did you react to that situation? What has you excited today? What could you have improved on today? What kind of man are you going to be today? You can keep your journal active throughout the day. It’s about a stream of documenting, NOT sitting down and writing until your eyes pop out of your head.

There are many ways to achieve mindset mastery and we’ll cover more down the road. For now, implement the the 2 daily disciplines above and you’ll begin gaining clarity and momentum that you didn’t know was available to you.

POWER PILLAR #2 – REAL RELATIONSHIPS

The guiding principle for real relationships is: “Honor and nurture the relationships that matter the most in your life.”

Real relationships are the life-blood of feeling connected.

A relationship begins the moment you meet someone… anyone.

The 2-way interaction of a relationship is unavoidable.  One way or another, each of you is responding and contributing in the experience.

That’s why I’m putting a lot of weight on REAL RELATIONSHIPS.

Some relationships are just loose connections with other people…and that’s okay.  They have their place.

Some are a little tighter but still questionable for the long-term.

Then there’s ‘Real Relationships’.

The kind where you can be 100% yourself, and YOU feel fully committed to doing the work required to maintain the connection.

Read that again.

The REAL RELATIONSHIPS pillar is held up by 3 core components:

• Intimate Relationship
• Family Relationships
• Friend Relationships

Here’s a brief breakdown of each…

INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

The guiding principle of intimate relationship is: “Honor and lead your Queen, daily.”

In my opinion, the number one way to honor your intimate relationship is to remain faithful regardless of temptation or challenges that occur. This is, of course, unless you and your Queen have an agreement to have an open relationship.

Outside of remaining faithful the 3 most powerful mindset shifts that I’ve ever experienced when it comes to my intimate relationship are:

1. Most shit doesn’t matter
   1. Does it really matter HOW the dishes are done?
   2. Does it really matter that she wants to have a night with her girlfriends?
   3. Does it really matter that her side of the closet is messier than yours?
   4. Does it really matter?
   5. Really?
2. I’m not here to be right
   1. Most battles occur in a relationship when your ego and pride apply the pressure for you to be right
   2. I lose power when I have to be right
   3. If I have to be right, that probably means I’m making shit matter that really doesn’t matter
3. She will never be talked about negatively, from my lips…EVER.
   1. She’s NEVER the butt of my jokes when I’m with my friends
   2. I NEVER have anything to complain about regarding her
   3. She deserves to honored and built-up… or I don’t need to be with her

FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS

The guiding principle of family relationship is: “Honor and lead your kids, daily… while also nurturing extended family.”

Parenting is a gift that didn’t come with a physical handbook. However, it did come with an internal handbook. This handbook was written by your heart and soul. After talking with many men, and raising my own kids, I’ve found that there’s a total of 3 chapters in that heart and soul handbook:

• Chapter 1 – Leadership
• Chapter 2 – Love
• Chapter 3 – Laughs

Turns out that’s all most kids need from Daddy. Leadership, love, and laughs.

While you’re leading, loving, and laughing with your kids, save a few nurturing moments to connect with extended family (outside of your household).

This can involve things like:

• Regular calls and visits to Mom and Dad
• A random text to a Cousin
• A planned trip with Aunts and Uncles

FRIEND RELATIONSHIPS

The guiding principle of friend relationship is: “Honor and nurture your deep friend relationships.”

This is an area where I’ve struggled in the past.

I used to think something was wrong with me because I never cared to have too many friends.

A couple of really solid friendships is fulfilling to me. I’ve come to terms with that.

Just like other relationships, friend relationships take intentional work, but it shouldn’t be hard.

I’ve found that with my greatest friends we effortlessly do things like:

• Give each other random gifts
• Watch sports together every now and then
• Go on challenging adventures together
• Send each other messages of gratitude
• Understand and respect each others lives

Real Relationships are felt deeply by The Committed Man.

We don’t discount the value of “connections” with other people, but nothing will ever replace the honor, trust, and certainty found in our real relationships.

POWER PILLAR #3 – WORTHWHILE WORK

The guiding principle for worthwhile work is: “Time is undefeated, so I will spend it doing work I love.”

How many men do you know that spend 8-10 hours of their day putting hard work in, only to come home and spit complaints about the work they’re doing?

Maybe you’re one of those men, at this moment in your life.

I know I used to be.

Then, I started paying attention to this voice inside over 18 years ago. The voice said, “There’s more you have to offer this world. Step out with courage, or else, live in quiet desperation of would could have been.”

That shook me.

I vowed to create work that filled me up. It took some time, but man was it worth it.

I developed a framework that made the process I used very clear.

That framework became the 3 core components of Worthwhile Work:

• Current Work
• Dream Work
• Bridge Work

Let’s dive into each real quick…

CURRENT WORK

The guiding principle of current work is: “I will not complain about my current work, but instead, use it as a tool to build the bridge to my dream work.”

If you’re not satisfied with your current work, don’t give your personal power away by complaining about it. Instead, take a look at what IT IS providing you (money, skills, patience) and be grateful.

The feeling of knowing you want more is valuable.

The Committed Man refuses to stuff that feeling down inside anymore. Today is the day that the dream work is set into motion.

DREAM WORK

The guiding principle of dream work is: “The small voice keeps prompting me… this is the moment I will take action.”

You may not be able to jump straight into the dream work, but YOU CAN do something to gain forward momentum.

To know what that something is, you must first visualize your dream work. Write it out, using words that make it sound like it’s your current reality. Bring life to it by:

• Making it your screen saver
• Writing it on your bathroom mirror
• Chatting about it with a trusted source (careful with this one)
• Jotting the details down in your daily journal (you do have one; correct?)

Don’t let your dream work go to the grave as a great idea. It’s already overcrowded there.

Start building momentum and power with…

BRIDGE WORK

The guiding principle of bridge work is: “Courageous work builds the bridge from the current work to the dream.”

Bridge work is the extra work you do, consistently, to begin making your dream work a reality.

Most times you’ll still have your current work to do, while dedicating some extra time to build your bridge.

When you’re tired… add to the bridge.

When you’re overwhelmed… add to the bridge.

When you’re discouraged… add to the bridge.

Commit to taking action and adding to the bridge with relentless consistency.

Your dream work demands this.

“I may not be fulfilled by my current work, but I WILL NOT complain another word about it. I’m committed to paying attention to my inner voice. That means, today, I will begin taking courageous action on the bridge work that’s required to achieve my dream work. It won’t be easy, and I’m okay with that.”

POWER PILLAR #4 – AMAZING ADVENTURE

The guiding principle for amazing adventure is: “I consistently create adventure for myself.”

Look at any young boy and you’ll see him consistently creating adventure for himself.

As that young boy enters his teenage years, the creation of adventure begins to get stifled.

Then adulthood hits and adventure gets buried under the heaviness and hustle of becoming a modern day man.

Can you relate to this? I certainly can.

It was in 2015 that I realized, “Damn, I don’t do hardly anything that makes me feel manly and brings me authentic joy.”

That’s when I started competing in fitness competitions again.

That’s when I started shooting guns, going camping, and going hiking.

That’s when I started traveling the world and planning new trips that I would take.

Shortly after re-engaging that manly part of my soul, I realized I had created power pillar #4.

The amazing adventure pillar is built with 3 core components:

• Happy Hobbies
• Local Adventures
• Travel Adventures

Here’s some clarity on each…

HAPPY HOBBIES

The guiding principle of happy hobbies is: “No amount of adulting will hijack my childlike curiosity.”

There are things you loved doing when you were a kid.

Sure, you’re older now, but something tells me if you started doing a few of those things again you would find a lot of joy in them.

For me, it was riding my bike. I used to do hella tricks on my bike. The feeling of being air-born or riding on one wheel was something I looked forward too. Then I just stopped doing it for so many years.

These days, I do that weekly.

What is it for you?

There’s hobbies that you used to really enjoy that you just don’t do anymore…

…but you think about them often (or, at least, a little bit).

Now is the time.

LOCAL ADVENTURES

The guiding principle of local adventures is: “There it is, right in front of me, so I will explore it.”

As I grew into my adult years, not only did I stop doing hobbies that I enjoyed, I also didn’t look around long enough to realize how much adventure was sitting in my own city and state.

You feel me?

There are so many adventures for us men to explore… beaches, festivals, camping, competitions, art galleries, gun ranges, hunting, trails, bed-n-breakfast, historical cities, and so much more.

It’s right here in front of us.

It’s time to explore it all.

TRAVEL ADVENTURES

The guiding principle of travel adventures is: “There’s a big world to experience, get busy making it happen.”

I recently took a life-altering trip to Belize. Specifically, the town of Hopkins.

There was one evening that Anna and I were out eating dinner by the ocean. A group of young local boys walked up with their drums and starting playing their local beats.

I got the opportunity to sit in the middle of them and play the drums as the rest of the people on vacation sat around enjoying their meal by the ocean.

I still get teary-eyed thinking about the innocence of that interaction. It was much more than playing drums. It was them giving me a chance to experience their world.

People live different in other countries…

…mostly full of love that they are ready to share with you.

It’s time to put more energy into seeing everything this world has to offer.

That’s It For Now

The fours power pillars have given me un-fractured focus in a distracted world. They have allowed me to show up powerfully in every area of my life. It’s been placed on my heart to share them with you…

…along with many other insights, systems, and frameworks that build a kickass lifestyle operating system.

Prepare to get fit, build confidence, master your mind, dial in your focus, show up strong in your relationships, and go on some amazing adventures.

What You Can Expect

Weekly: I publish a newsletter called The Self-Guru.

Weekly: I publish a long-form post on my blog.

Weekly: I produce and publish a podcast episode for The Committed Man podcast.

Daily: I post my own journal (daily documenting) entry from the day before.

Every Now and Then: I go deep and write mini-essays that I post here.

Until next time…

We are: The Committed!

Peace, truth, and love.