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A Mini-Essay on Identity

3 chains representing identity

The personal development and self-help world has become a dangerous distraction for many men. It’s ripe with confusion and overwhelm, masked by a momentary “feel-good” that eventually fades into a need for another hit.

You continue to jump from breath work, to healing your inner child ,to shadow work, to a meditation retreat, to a medicine journey, to whatever feels like it can provide you with the life-change you seek.

Let’s gain some valuable perspective:

Every single modality of personal development and self-help has one end goal…

…to shift your identity, so you can operate in the world as the greatest version of who you INvision yourself too be.

If Identity Shifting is the mission, how about we just get right to it.

What is Identity?

It’s how you view yourself. That view is based on 2 key things:

  1. Your view of your past (traumas, victories, heartbreak, love, etc.)
  2. Your view of your future (and your ability to create it)

Men are becoming increasingly depressed about their past and anxious about their future. This stems from attaching unhealthy meaning to past events, and future events that haven’t happened yet (created stories).

Here’s some powerful questions to consider:

  • What have you ALLOWED your past to mean about you as a man today?
  • How does that meaning reflect in the way you show up as a man in this world (your habits, your behaviors, your thoughts, your reactions, your relationships, your money, etc)?
  • Is the identity you hold of yourself, right now, in alignment with the man you vision yourself to be in the future?
  • If not, what do you KNOW needs to start changing, right now?
  • What’s stopping you from taking immediate action?

I’ve found that answering powerful questions, with 100% truth, is the greatest way to “unstuck” yourself.

There’s a greater man you vision yourself becoming. This isn’t up for debate. It’s wired in us to become a better men.

Once you’ve answered the questions above there’s one more powerful question:

  • What are ALL of the traits, behaviors, habits, routines, actions, and mannerisms of that man you choose to become?

Once you’ve answered that question to exhaustion, there’s one thing left to do…

Be That Man!

It’s a phrase I use with myself and the men I guide.

Start showing up as that man today. Do the things he would do. Communicate the way he would communicate. Organize the way he would organize. Focus the way he would focus. Be consistent the way he would be consistent. Face obstacles the way he would face obstacles. Be resourceful the way he would be resourceful.

This ain’t some fake it til’ you make it BS.

This is: You must be it before you can see it.

Let’s be real with each other right now. Chances are you didn’t take the time to truthfully answer the questions above.

If you did, you can already begin feeling the shift because you have some clarity now.

If you did not; what are you expecting to change if you don’t show up differently for yourself?

Another yoga retreat and more breath work can be valuable, but they will continue to be a dangerous distract until you consciously confront the reality of the identity you embody TODAY.

Time is undefeated… 100% of the time.

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